Howdy y’all! Odysseus here! I’m
back in Ithica, in my castle, with my wife, and all these “suitors” are here
trying to marry Penelope. LOLZ. No. A
simple “get out” won’t do. So I’m thinking I’ll just kill them all, no biggie.
After I shoot Antinous with an arrrow, Eurymachus comes
saying it was all Antinous’ fault, and I shouldn’t kill everyone else. He also
said that they would pay back the wine and bread they consumed. You guys tried
to marry my wife, and you expect me to easily forgive you? HA.HA.HA.HA. NO. (#SorryNotSorry) I’m gonna open up
a can of whoop ads. (I hate autocorrect sometimes. #iPhoneProbz)
So with the help of Athena,
Telemachus, Eumaeus, and other faithful herdsmen, I killed all the suitors. I hope
their deaths were long and painful. They deserve it don’t they? I made sure
that no one got away. After everything was said and done, they looked like dead
fish lying on a seashore—twitching with what little life they had left. (dun
dun dunnnnn)
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