The Challenge

Sup! Ya it's me Odysseus, and I am kinda gettin bored watching these suitors shooting and missing with their arrows trying to hit the target to win my gorgeous wife Penelope. I finally decide to ask for a turn at it and they grant me the opportunity. I play around with the bow a little bit just to mess with the dunderheads. They are all jabbering with each other about how they think I own one.

After that we all heard a crack of thunder come from the great Zeus himself giving the sign. I laughed and picked up an arrow and readied myself to show off. I nocked the arrow and let it go and the arrow went cleanly through every socket ring, of course it didn't hit anything because I'm the best. I told my son let's go kick some butt. He readied his sword and spear and he and I were about to (what Ms. Schindler said in class).




This is why my son and I are gonna kick some butt.

Penelope's Test

Hey Odysseus here. I am home at last. Finally I'm not in disguise anymore. Penelope tested me by saying she was going to have the nurse move my bead outside the bed chamber. I thought no one could move that bed, unless a god came down to turn the trick. No one on there best day could move that bed with a crowbar.

Penelope is so glad it was me she says, "no one ever matched your caution! Think what difficulty the gods gave: hey denied us life together in our prime and flowering years, kept us from crossing age together." She then told me no other man has laid eyes on my bed only her own slave, Actoris, that her father sent her as a gift she kept our door. Not many people can survive a boat wreck and live on a piece of the fallen apart boat. She to know rejoices me. 

That was a wild way to get home. It was hard without my men but I knew I would make it with out them. If they wouldn't of killed the cattle they could probably still be here. Well now that i am home I think I will be done with blogging. well at least for awhile. Until next time.

Odysseus' Revenge

Howdy y’all! Odysseus here! I’m back in Ithica, in my castle, with my wife, and all these “suitors” are here trying to marry Penelope. LOLZ. No. A simple “get out” won’t do. So I’m thinking I’ll just kill them all, no biggie.

After I shoot Antinous with an arrrow, Eurymachus comes saying it was all Antinous’ fault, and I shouldn’t kill everyone else. He also said that they would pay back the wine and bread they consumed. You guys tried to marry my wife, and you expect me to easily forgive you? HA.HA.HA.HA. NO. (#SorryNotSorry) I’m gonna open up a can of whoop ads. (I hate autocorrect sometimes. #iPhoneProbz)

So with the help of Athena, Telemachus, Eumaeus, and other faithful herdsmen, I killed all the suitors. I hope their deaths were long and painful. They deserve it don’t they? I made sure that no one got away. After everything was said and done, they looked like dead fish lying on a seashore—twitching with what little life they had left. (dun dun dunnnnn)

Penelope

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            Hey ya’ll its Odysseus here. I’m in the palace and I have gotten asked to talk to my fair lady Penelope. She don’t know it’s me, makin this so dang hard. She wants to know all about me. She’s askin “who am I, where do I come from.” I tell this fine lady that no women wants to know what this wild cowboy has seen or done cause what’s in the past is pain to ones heart.  I also told her no man should be cryin in anothers home. She then says to me, if my Odysseus were here to care for me she would feel no pain and hold no pressure from the suitors.

            This cleaver lady Penelope avoided the pressure from the suitors by out smarten them. She said when her lord is dead she would weave a shroud. Every day she webbed, oh pardon me she would weave the shroud, but at night she would unweave it. She continued by saying that one lovely evening while she was unweaving the shroud the suitors had caughten her. She knew her time was runnin short, and soon she would have to pick one to wed with.  

            Well how does this tough cowboy feel, I feel sorrow in his heart. I want my hot honey bun back, and there is just only one way to get what I love to be mine again. I tell Penelope that “Odysseus” will be back home soon, and they will be forever in love.

Hey everyone! Odysseus here! I'm back to tell you more of my adventures! While I was exploring the palace, I was acting as a beggar and begged Antinous for food. Sadly, I guess I was being too annoying, and he called me sassy. :( He threw a chair at me. #rude #ouch After recovering from my serious injury from a chair, The suitors thought that I was a god undercover. Of course, I'm not. #dontbesilly Well, gtg! Talk to you more about my adventures soon! XOXO -Odysseus

"Twenty years gone, and I am back again" and Argus

Hey its Odysseus again. I thought I would update you one what has been going on so far. I have just arrived to my home Ithaca, and I found my son Telemachus. He does not know who I am because I am in disguise as an old, poor man. But then the goddess Athena appears to me and says "dissemble to your son no longer now". Then I appear to my son again in a white pure cloak and a fresh knit tunic and my son thinks I am a god of some sort. I am like "What heck dude? I am your dad" But then Telemachus finally beileves I am the true and mighty Odysseus.

Then Telemachus and I talk and make plans to kill the suitors that are at my house. There are 114 suitors and we had to figure out a plan to kill them. The plan that we came up with was to have Telemachus, when the sun comes up, go home and mingle with the suitors, and take all of the weapons and hide them. Then I will show up at the house as a beggar, and if they make fun of me Telemachus is to keep calm, no matter how hard of a time they give me. Then Athena will give me advice and say "Hey dude it's time to kick some butt", and I will signal Telemachus with a nod. When I have given Telemachus the nod he is supposed gets two swords, and two shields.

There is one more thing I told Telemachus to do. I told him not to tell anyone about my presence, not even Penelope, the swineherd, or even Laertes. So the next day I am dressed as a beggar and I am on the way to my house when I see my old dog, Argus. He is very old and weak but he remembers me. So I ask Eumaeus why do they just leave this dog here on a dung pile, and I also say he would have been a fine dog, from the look of him. Then Eumaeus says that a hunter owned him and the man is dead in some far place. So as we walk away from Argus and into the palace, the poor ole Argus closes his eyes and dies. Until next time... Stay Golden

The Sirens Island Scylla and Charybdis

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Hey there Odysseus here, currently we just made it past the Sirens Islands. This was not a very easy task of course but me being my smart self I came up with the brilliant idea to cover my crew-members ears with beeswax. Because I needed to hear the song of the Sirens I had the crew-members tie me to the mast of our magnificent ship. After we made it past the island without wrecking we were soon faced with another problem, to go past Scylla or Charybdis. Charybdis is the giant whirlpool that sucks down any ship that tries to cross her path, and Scylla being the massive six headed sea monster. We started heading to Charybdis when my men heard the noise of her furry and stopped rowing their oars (#scaredguyprobs). I had to give them a pep talk to get them to row the other way, when they had no idea where they were headed. I began to watch for Scylla thinking that I may be able to catch sight of her before my men, when out of nowhere she rose from the water and snatched up six of my men before I had any idea of what was going on. The last I heard of my men were their screams calling my name as we sailed past. Well this is it for now so until another day this is Odysseus saying goodbye and safe sailing.